tiistai 12. tammikuuta 2016

Sorry to have kept you waiting

So there has been many times for me to start writing here again. Many times I opened my blog to start writing but every time my fingers stoped moving, or I lost all of my thoughts but now I finally think I can do this.

I surely missed writing in here, I missed all the comments and I missed the feeling of excitement of telling you something that happened or something that I bought or just something.

Many of you have asked if I stopped complitely and some time in this 1,5 years I thought so too. I thought I would never be able to get myself to write again. I even tried to make a video of explaining all of this but in the end I just deleted it and I think now it's the time to try to explaine most of the reasons why I just didn't feel like my blog was anything important anymore.

On 11.2013  we got bad news with Milla (my girlfriend) that her mother has ALS. I think most of you know what it is because of the huge ice bucket challenge that started to go on about the same time as her mother got the diagnosis of her ALS. Even thought her mother wasn't my own, it still hit me pretty hard to know that soon my girlfriend would not have a mother and on top of that she doesn't have a father eather. We both got so sick and tired of the challenge because it felt like the matter was rubbed against our faces, we watched maybe the first 10 challenges, then there were suddenly a huge mass of people who did it, not all did it for good, some only for the fame (even tho the challenge was for good we were so sicked and tired).

At that time I also got so anguished because of Milla's sisters tried to make me their mothers personal care taker (since I am a nurse), it felt like they pushed me too much. I cried because I didn't want to do it and Milla knew I would not be able to maintaine my curret state of mind if I would do it, because of what happened when I was a trainee at a hospital. I am glad I said no I would have lost my mind.

ALS took her mother in a year, so before christmas of 2014 she was gone. I felt so horrible that we didn't visit her mother often and I know my gf feels that way too. I was scared, because in the end her mother couldn't walk, talk she couldn't do anything she normaly did, I was scared to see her, I was scared because everytime we went there I felt like bursting into tears. In the end now I feel little bit happier to know that she is not in pain, she can walk in heaven, laugh and be herself in there, she doesn't have to rely on machines.

At this time I still did write a little bit in here, but you know I stopped writing before she passed but I had problems of my own too. When I started my studies in Vaasa, I totally lost myself. I lost my 

self-confidence I lost all of me. I pushed myself too hard, I was sad because I didn't get friends from school. I thought there was something wrong with me that I hated myself.

When my second year in school started (2013) I just realized that my (new) schoolmates were just plain assholes who just liked to pick on the "kids" that are different than themselfs. they called me insaine, fat etc. They didn't even find sympathy in them when my friend passed away on the end of 2013. the first year in school my schoolmates were caring and really nice people. Some of them turned out to be on the same class as me next year and they were complitely different this time.

I also got stalked in a supermarket and that person wrote in online what I had bought from there. I started to have panick attacks and social
anxiety/phobia. I locked myself into our apartment, gained weight and I was scared to go outside. I thought everyone hated me. However I did get couple friend from school (you know who you are) and I still like them thank you for making my school year a little bit better. I also got a really good friend from one trainee place. So it all ended well I graduated with good grades but I still have some anxiety left in me.

The cherry on top of this cake was when one of my longest friends passed away with cancer last year on march. I still remeber the text message my friend send me while I was skiing with the kids from my work I felt like shit and started crying in the middle of the kids. She strougled with that cancer for so many years and sadly the cancer was the one which won the case. I still feel so sad to loose someone as bright as her and I wish I would have been able to see her more ofthen and that I would have talked to her more, but I never talk with my friends that much.

So these are the reasons  I fel like shit for the past 2 years and why I felt like blogging was nothing to me anymore. Now that all this sadness has been told I can start writing about the happy things again. For example...


I promise that next time I write in here it'll be about all the positive things that have happened and it wont take me 1,5 years to write it.

perjantai 1. elokuuta 2014

Harajuku makeup tutorial.

Hi I have been making harajuku, amo inspider makeups lately and I wanted to share one with you guys. I got my inspiration from Zipper magazine that my friend got for me from Japan last sunday. Also I got alot of inspiration from sweet Anni and Cornelia

Hope this will be inspirational and helpfull to those who like to put lighter makeup on sometimes.

And here is the finnished look + some random outfit photos!

derp. seeya on the next entry! I hope you all have had amazing summer and new readers welcome to read my blog. ( ̄▽ ̄)ノ

sunnuntai 8. kesäkuuta 2014


Sorry my schedule have been so busy lately because I just graduated from my school!!! I had so much stuff to do before graduation so I just wanted to stop bloging for a while. Don't worry tho I will be back more from now on (hopefully).


Our cute group photo by Milla

Day before Miyavi was our Gyaru meetup. It was fun to meet up other gyarus again but to be honest it was kinda boring because we didnät do anything together. Others from out meeting wanted to eat at Burger King so we got separated. Anyway we went to Kluuvi to take pictures and after pictures Me, Milla, Viivi, Sari and Mila went to have some food at Wrong.

Blogger is making the colors of this picture yellowish and I decided to just let it be too lazy to fight over it. Damn my hair looks nice in this one, the color and all. Now my hair is more greenish mint because I was too lazy to maintain that violet color.

Like I said after we took some pictures we decided to go and have some food at Wrong. That place was small and the food was delicious. Honestly it is now one of my favorite asian restaurants.

 Teriyaki chiken

 Me and lovely Sari (it was bit too dark to take iphone pictures)

We went to get some frozen yogurt because you just can't lice without desert. Spice Ices frozen yogurt is like nothing compared to this!

When we were done eating we went to Viivis place and well...we started to eat there too lol. I think this whole say was about us having some delicious foods. However I don't complain it was fun and I can't wait to hang out with these people again.


On March I went to Miyavi's consert. I had bought myseld a VIP ticket and once again the gig was so badly organized that it almost made me cry. It was at Helsinki Circus like the Gazette and also at Miyavi, there were almost more VIP fans than regulars. Me and my friend Laura were the first ones at the line, about 6-7 AM. After we came there couple others came in too.  I didn't sleep at all the night before and I forgot to eat. I was so tired and it was snowing while we waited 12hours outside under Angry Birds blankets.

Jonna, Me, Laura, Laura's sister Heidi and the girl on bottom row (sadly I don't remeber her name.)

While at the line me and Laura (the friend I was with) tryed to take people to right lines and picked up all trash etc at the line. People actually came to us when they wanted to ask questions about the lining and stuff. I saw the staff people from jrocksuomi maybe twice. At the line we got to know that they sold memberships to Miyavi's conserts too but they didn't advertise those in Finland at all (I am happy about it tho).

We also made this sheet for Miyavi and collected names of other fans on to it. Laura drew it and I gave her paint + bought the sheet. I didn't have time to paint it with her : / We hope that Miyavi liked it!
How ever the consert was more than awesome I cried and laughed it was so much fun! I got to be at the middle of the front row so I saw everything and got to hug Miyavi. I loved the set list he played new songs
as well as the oldies.

 Can you spot me? Miyavi is about to come and stand on front of us so I got to hug him.

VIP meeting was more like "take a picture and fuck off" kinda thing. We were told not to talk to Miyavi or hug him nothing just stand next to him and take your poster and leave. I was happy that Miyavi himself thanked us and shaked our hands. He was so kind. Did I tell you that he was the first japanese artist I listened to. After all the gig was still awesome I loved it.

We all look kinda dead after the show. It was so much fun. I look like a potato.

TAMPERE KUPLII 2014 29-30.3

Some weeks after Miyavi we went to Tampere with
Milla because there were this little convention. I was cosplaying on saturday day because my friend asked me to and I couldn't say no to him. He has always been this kinda person that makes me feel comfty. So he asked me to cosplay
Katekyō Hitman Reborn! I was Colonello and my friend Joel was Ryohei.

Because I am bad at making clothing for my size Milla was kind enought to make my jacket and pants. I how ever made those little details like sleeve mark, chest mark + sewed the puttons on. My cosplay isn't perfeckt but I hade tons of fun with Joel and Milla + our friends Ansku were with us also.

And here some ...not so serious pictures for you


It was fun, it was awesome, it was best day ever

On Sunday I didn't coplay I was just regular me on "gyaru" style also I met one of my readers at Kuoplii, she was so damn cute! Here is couple pictures of my outfir. I know it's not so gyaru but I want to dress like I want to!

Yeah that was it for now. I will make entry about Cosvision later because this entry is so freaking long already!

Earlier thiw week I woke up and decided that I am way too fat. I stoped drinking soda and I left all my snaks like chips, choco etc. I am eating healthily and having long walks etc. I feel much better even tho it has been only 4 days since I started but I don't feel so puff. My goal is to get under 100kg this summer and end of the year I want to be aroun 85kg and next year before summer I hope I will be around 60-70kg :3

Hope you have had good summer so far and congrats to those who graduated from school and good luck to those who didn't!

sunnuntai 9. maaliskuuta 2014


I know it has been 3 months since I last wrote in here, but I think I have a good reason for that. I have been dead tired because of school and mental problems but everything is going to be just ok. I have alot of things to tell you guys. I have bought some things I want to show you but I just don't have any energy to take photos or try to write. Still I think I own you guys this much, I need to write you something right?

Well anyway, last weeks saturday me an Milla spend our 1 year
engagement anniversary.! ♥  Time goes so fast !! I think it was just yesterday that we decided to go buy rings for our fingers. My mother was so kind that she gave us 40€ to spend on our anniversary so we decided to go try out this Thai restaurant and of course we bought some sweets to eat at home.

  Emptry plates :'D I forgot to take a picture of my plate full of food.

 This coconut milk tapioca pudding was really delicious, I want to make it at home too!

I still don't know why I did this face but....somehow it is like "I can mell your bullshit" type of face.
 Milla and me ♥

We sang japanese karaoke and got same points!

Here is some photos of my somewhat new hair. I went and cut myself bangs and to be honest I really like it. I was so sick of my hair being all over my face like a monster. I am not wearing any gyaru-ish makeup more natural so what do you think ?

This is it for now...I will make clothing post next week but I wanted to write you something. I am not dead even tho some might want it and I haven't stoped blogging I will continue and hopefully I will gain more energy and selfesteem.

Next week I am going to Helsinki because of Miyavis gig and on saturday I am going to go to gyaru spring meeting and see some friends.

lauantai 7. joulukuuta 2013

Inspiration / Want to get

How is it going people? Last night we got a lot of snow *happy dance*! I've been waiting to get some, since it is so damn dark in the winters without it. This year I am going to spend my christmas with my family in Kemi, I have been missing them so much. Last week, I was supposed to write a post about my new outfits but my back got sore, so I have been on pain medication for a week. That medication made me sleep alot.

I've noticed that I have started to like pastel colors again and somehow I like Pastel Goth now, I don't know if you guys like Pastel Goth but I really like some things about that style. I want to have pastel / black lipsticks (thx to Viivi in whose blog I saw Lime Crime lipsticks), and weird Kill Star sweatshirts because those prints are just awesome!!

My inspiration for Pastel Goth comes from a this girl from Sweden, her blog is in here she is so sweet and looks so cute ;__; She has the cutest sense of style.

Because I  can't use any heels I just love platform shoes and I am eager to own a pair some day. I also love studded shoes and boots! I like studs and spikes on headbands and socks too.

Inverted crosses are something that I like nowadays too. I've been looking to get pair of cross printed leggings and earings *3* ! I also love those little devil horn hairpins and eye hairpins! I want want want!

Yukicon 2014
I have an announcement to make, for
Finnish readers only, on 18-19.1.2014 I am going to go to Yukicon and I have a sales table at there on Sunday with my friend Laura, so if you are coming, come to check out our table. Laura is selling some cat hats and I will be selling hand made jewelry. I am making some pastel goth/ lolita /gyaru inspired jewelry and I hope I get my iPhone clear cases  before Yukicon, so that I have enough time to decorate them (for iPhone 4,4s,5 and 5s). See ya there if you are coming, and if you see me, come say hello.

I really am sorry for not writing in a long long time, somehow all my time flies out of the window and I have been seeing my new friends from Spain. I do have alot of outfits that I want to show you, but my time is limited. Hopefully I will write a another entry on Sunday. I also got 2 new wigs, but I haven't got much time to wear those. . .fuck.

Hope you all are okay and stay calm...christmas is coming

edit // I tried to correct my spelling mistakes

sunnuntai 6. lokakuuta 2013

the GazettE - the best gig ever !

So a week ago on Sunday 29.9.2013 I was waiting to see the GazettE. This gig had been my long dream and it finally came true when I first heard that they are coming to Finland. I had been waiting for them over 6 months...and 6 years? These guys played at Circus and it was my first time of going there. I liked that place alot!

the GazettE is my #1 favorite band and I went totaly nuts when I heard they are coming here. Ofcourse I wanted VIP and that is what I got.

Anyway back to Sunday. I went to check the line about 1PM and by that time there were alot of VIPs and by alot I mean over 200 I guess...(it was rumored that there were total 400 VIPs there) so I decided to go wait in the line too with my friend Temo and we also got to know Sanni and later that day Pirta joined us too.
I managed to style my hair in 20 minutes. (yes it is Dir en Greys gig shirt....I took wrong shirt with me ;_;)

I was so nervous for the whole day that I couldn't eat anything tho my dear friend Temo brought me a banana and it was delicious :'D

Temo, Pirta and Me

We had to wait till 5:30 and after that no one was allowed to go away from the line and about hour later it was time to let VIP people in the Circus. It didn't feel like VIP because there were so many of us anyway. I think alot of fans were pissed of because VIPs didn't get a gift and mebers got only plastic bag. Well can't whine the gig was worth it anyway.

Me, Temo and Sanni decided to go to the balcony and we got amazing view to the stage. Tuomas took a picture of our view and I stole this picture from him (I got permission to use it tho)

I was really satisfied with the setlist still would have hoped to hear cassis. Anyway I was so happy and it seemed that members of the GazettE were happy too. I cried almost every second from the begining to the end and hardest time was during UNTITLED. This still feels like a dream ;_;
Here is some merchandice I bought before the gig. I love my studded slippers and iPhone case...then I went and bought t-shirt, poster and that plastic bag. I used alot of money and I don't even feel bad. I would also wanted to buy towel but I decided not to use all of my money.

Also better picture of my new phone case

I have nothing bad to say about the gig but I heard that some people were assholes to each other and almost all of them were Russians? Why? Everytime I hear that some shit have happened it is because of Russians.

I was happy that no one took photos and it seemed that everyone behaved or tryed to behave.

After the gig I hanged out with friends for about an hour and it was fun hope to see you guys again. Some I had met before and some just met. I'm still all exited and nuts because of the gig. I still need to make an entry about Helsinki Gyaru Meet but I will leave write about it next time.

Thank you!

perjantai 20. syyskuuta 2013

† Tracon 8 - Long entry †

Last weekend I was at Tampere to attend Tracon 8. We left to Tampere on friday about 4PM and arrived there 10PM. We were kinda slow at driving a car and before we even left from Seinäjoki with Naru we went to get some food :'D

We stayed at Aino's house for a night and she made me pancakes ;_; !! On saturday morning we went to Tracon. I was nervous since I didn't like the idea of me being in a place full of people I don't know, but I got used to that idea fast and I relaxed. I was suprised how much people there were because last time I was in a big con it was in 2010 and it was Tracon too. Back then, there weren't this many people there. Ayway to me everyone seemed to enjoy their time.

† Gyaru Finland's Meeting! †
Top row: Stella, Selma, Laura and Me
Bottom row: Saija, and Sari
On saturday we held a little gyaru meeting. We have this Gyaru Finland group and this was my first meeting with the people from that group. Everyone thought there would be more gals attending....but noy. Also somehow two of the girls left before we took this picture T_T.

Anyway I still had alot of fun. I somehow expected
that this meeting would be pain in the ass and that all the gals would be mean hahah me and my stupid mind because it wasn't like that at all. I didn't know anyone, I saw all the girls first time in my life and they were AWESOME! I mean everyone was derping and just having fun, we laughed and took alot of pictures.
I was trying to open this damn soda bottle for Laura. . . I had to use a pencil to get it open haha XD.
Photo by Saija
WINNER! I got it open. This soda tasted good :3 (my hair ;__; it looks so shitty, I blame Milla for buying me shitty hairspray)

 Photo: by Saija
 Me & Sari (photo from Sari's blog)

It was so funny how we got along so well even tho we just met for the first time! I was really nervous to meet Sari since I like her blog and style alot. She was so derpy and sweet. It is a good thing that I went to that meeting. Some of the gals actually asked if we have known each other already before the meet. :'>

I can't wait to see her in Helsinki meet! \(≧∇≦)/♥
I also got to know these two gentlemen. They were so awesome! I met Buu and Emmi for the first time in my life and we got along so well. It felt like we had known each other for years! I can't wait to see you guys again

Buu as Guren Aoi and Emmi as SGD Uruha.

†Random pictures from Saturday†
 I still don't know what happened here.
Dashi♥ I went to Tracon to find her art table. I bought couple lolita Koneko-chan from her ;_; but I lost one somewhere.


 BEST COSPLAY EVER!! I like...LOVE Biker Mice from Mars! This show was my childhood. I literally died when I saw them. First I was too afraid to take a picture with them but then I got my self together! Throttle wanted me to go next to him but Vinnie has always been my favorite one! I used to roleplay him when I was a kid.

 Milla & Justin Bieber
Henniina as Boogie Snape & Me

Tampere talo at the evening. (ps I like that Angel in the coner)

I also met Joel,  Inka, Teemu, Mae, Minna, Nyamo, Shatonie and many many other awesome people.

† Sunday†

I don't have so many pictures from Sunday but here is some. This day was kinda slow but alot of fun too. I met Uru and Aoi again. Also hang out with Inka. Saw Joel again and Shatonie and and many other people too. I bought derping little Korilakkuma and had FUN!
My outfit from the day 2
Mae, Milla, Minna & Me

 Milla & Joel
I met Inka for the first time too. We have know eacht other some time but never met. She was sweet and fun to hang with. I spend time with her on Saturday evening and Sunday morning.

Nothing else happened on Sunday not that I can remember anything important.
 Before we left from Tampere, we went to have some Minetti's ice cream. I took bubblegum icu and it felt like velvet in your mouth ;_; So tasty and so good.
 Me, Milla & Thomas.

Well that was my weekend at Tracon. Next week it is time to rock with the GazettE!! I am exited, nervous I feel like puking. How many of you are going to Finlands gig or have been their gig ? I just hope I'm going to get better since I have a fever now and my head is burning from the inside.

†Thank you for reading and waiting for my entry.†